Choosing to be happy

(a mini rant)

Being a mom is hard. You suddenly have a little, tiny person who is completely reliant on you for almost their every need. You go from being your own person with your own agenda, to a slave to baby’s schedule. You fight sickness and fussiness, whining and tantrums. You are rewarded with snuggles and kisses, and good naps and dinners eaten in full. It is really easy to get sucked into “the vent” that comes along with being a mom.

I see it all the time, especially in social media where moms use it as an outlet to complain about how hard they have it, or how much their child does not sleep/eat/stop teething/whining/crying/fussing. And yes, we all have those days. But I make it a point to focus on the good. This is, after all, a job/lifestyle/choice that I willingly and happily made. Every day, I look forward to nap time and bed time, just like every other mom. But because I know that break is coming, I try to make the best of the time in-between. If you are fussy, we go outside or to the park. If you won’t eat, I long ago stopped trying to fight you on that and I let you down from your chair. If you won’t nap, we snuggle on the couch. I try to remember that you are only this little for such a fleeting amount of time. Time will sneak up on us and you will be driving down the driveway for college and I want to look back and know I appreciated those little moments, even the fussy ones, the best way I could.

Some things that help me are to wake up expecting the absolute worst. It sounds really depressing, but having the right expectations has been the turning point for me. If we have a great day full of laughing and sleeping and eating and pooping, I am pleasantly surprised. If we have a day full of feet stomping, throwing food, head bonks and no sleep, it is what I expected would probably happen.

I will admit “the vent” bothers me. Some mothers do it every.single.day on whatever social outlet they can get their hands on. The solution to make motherhood easier is simply to choose to make it easier. Choose to be happy. Change your expectations. Make yourself find a way to recharge. Start taking photos (if you don’t already). I find picture taking to be a great way to focus on the small, beautiful moments and discoveries. I fear these moms may look back with regret with all the time they spend complaining about, not enjoying, the gift that is motherhood. No one has it easy. But no one said it would be easy.

Two pretties of you:

Elle Style

So I get a lot of emails/messages asking about what Elle wears. So a long time ago
I was going to do a thing called "Elle Style" and focus on her fashion.

I am really hoping to keep up with it- maybe every two weeks?

Here is Elle Style #1:
{the lighting in this picture is not the best, but I still like it}

Shoes: Pediped
Leggings/Skirt: Gap Kids (on sale)
Shirt: Target (cannot see it)
Jacket: Consignment

Women

You come from a family of amazing women. Your great grandmother on my Dad's side, raised her two boys on very little income. My father went on to become a doctor, my uncle has a phd. I never really knew her husband, as he died before I was born. She passed away before your were born. She would have LOVED you. I mean obsessed with you. I just know it.

Your great grandmother owns a successful business and runs a massive tree farm. She is 77 years old and still going strong. She stepped up to raise her family when her husband died in a plane crash.

Your grandmother, my mother, is my rock. She is my best friend. The one I call when things are happy and sad. She is a Yale graduate and has worked hard to have a high status position at her hospital. She always taught your aunt and I to be able to take care of ourselves and never rely on a man, despite her strong marriage to my father. She is beautiful and one of the smartest people I know.

Your aunt has a master's degree and is about to become a mama herself. Your cousin Carter is coming in June, two months before your little sister.

Growing up, I was always very ambitious. I graduated high school with high grades and got into all the colleges I applied to. I graduated college in three years and I was working full time, living on my own at 21. Your father and I were very goal driven. He got an amazing job as a firefighter at 23, we were married and bought a house months after. I have always struggled a bit in the career department and because of the line of women I come from, I feel insecure about it. I have been working part time since you were born but I am thinking that when your sister is born, I want to take some time off and just focus on being a mom. It will be busy with both of you.

I feel like I am failing these women by making this choice. No one of them were ever stay at home moms. I am of course very secure in my relationship with your father but you just never know. I hope to do some photography sessions on the side and perhaps that will turn into something great and I know I can always go back to work. I am only 26. But it still makes me nervous to let these women down. I hope that when you are a mom or about to be a mom, you and I can discuss these things and I will never think any less of you, whatever choice you make. You have strong blood in your veins. But you also are also your own wonderful person. We will see what the future holds in August. I must say, staying home for a bit sounds mighty nice after waking up to start my work shift at 6am mon-fri. :)

Here is a picture of all us women.





{for stepping out saturday- Dress: forever21, Cardigan: forever 21. I like forever21}

Mama song

Every once in a while, I will hear a song that totally resonates with how I feel being a mom. There is one I recently heard that I love. It is called "Im there too" by Michelle Featherstone. You can hear it on youtube here:

Song

That is all I have tonight. Love you.

Vintage Elle

I entered this photo into a little contest. The theme was warmth and I immediately thought of summer. So I found this photo of you last summer. Good thing I have a baby in my belly because this photo is quite baby fever inducing.

Baby on a bed.

How, oh how are you so beautiful?

Ugh.

I know I have talked about this before, but so much changes when you become a mom. Yes, the normal perhaps expected stuff like suddenly feeling quite ok with the fact that you have poop smeared on your sleeve or that you and Elmo might soon have a personal relationship if you read anymore books about him. But also in the way you view the world. We have had several tragedies lately that I am sure you will read about one day. The Tsunami in Japan has been really bad. There have been thousands of stories of loss and struggle but I remember the one that has tugged on me the most. It was a picture of a father outside a morgue where he learned his wife and two daughters had perished. I thought of your dad and walked around in a daze for most of the day.


Then these little things sneak up and hit you. Right now I am reading this crime mystery about a detective solving a series of murders. Usually this author skips any gory details but this time he decided to write in detail about the moment of one girls death (she is maybe 23 or so) and how she is being drowned and lifts her head above water one last time to shout Mama!


I set the book right down and felt this incredible weight coming down on me. The weight of protecting you and keep you safe. The fact that I might lose you someday in a store or at the park and that someone out there would want to hurt you. How can I protect you when you are 23 and living on your own? From bad boyfriends and strange men and weirdoes? I just can’t and the helplessness of that feeling is all encompassing.


I stayed up later than I wanted to because of that one word in that book. So because I am pregnant and irrational, I walked to the back door and threw the book as far as I could into the woods…. Don’t tell your dad that part he will think I am crazy.


I never want you to stop exploring and loving life, just please, for your mama’s sake. Be careful. You are far too loved to lose.