Friday, August 17, 2012

How I became a desperate weirdo.

{A letter to you both}

I have talked before in these letters how I am still struggling a little bit in the friend department.

Since you were born Elle, I have been playing the "it will happen when" game. When you were small, it was "it will happen when we can go out and do more stuff" then "it will happen when she starts to talk and can actually play". Then when I had you Brynn, it was "it will happen when she can actually play" and now it is "maybe it will happen when they start school, play sports, become teenagers or maybe the only mom friends I will have will be when you are both adults and I find some women I can sit around with and cry because our kids grew up".

I have friends. I have great friends. But I have friends with barriers to friendship- the biggest one of those is distance. My friends are scattered across the country. Some so far away, I only see once a year. One who is so close but far enough away that seeing each other requires an hour drive and some organizing and of course gas money.

A few weeks ago, I saw this mom downtown with her son. She seemed normal and fun and we struck up a conversation but the children had needs that needed to be met and off we went our separate ways. This happened two more times, once at the park another time at the museum. Always short visits because of various circumstances. Two days ago, I saw her in the grocery store. I was awkwardly purchasing Miralax (of course) for my constipated toddler. Right there in the digestive aisle, we struck up another conversation and I suggest we exchange numbers and get together sometime. She seemed excited and gave me her number.  We parted ways and found ourselves face to face again in the Starbucks line. She goes there too! (what mom doesn't go there) More things in common! More laughs were exchanged! She is new in town too (as of April), all the way from Texas! Success!

I have this number issue where when I write numbers, I always transpose them- meaning if someone says 5 6 7 I will write 5 7 6. Always. When she gave me her number I tried to focus very hard so I would not mess them up. But I was not totally sure and I did not want to be like "let me read that back to you because my brain is actually 5 years old and I cannot work my fingers".

Several hours later, I sent a friendly text. And waited like a girl who just left a message for a first date she liked. Nothing. The next day nothing. I must have got the numbers wrong, I thought. So I came up with a wonderfully creepy idea. I would leave her a note at Starbucks with my number saying I accidentally wrote her number wrong. The baristas were very friendly about it (they all know me and my kid and also knew this mom and her kid). Today I stopped by and the barista asked if the mom contacted me. Nope. She had come in 30 minutes after I left the note and she never texted me.

I was a little crushed. I think I was holding the loneliness at bay knowing that a mom would come and save me from my sadness. And I totally thought that mom was her. My husband was working tonight so I felt this weight of alone settling around me. So I packed a picnic lunch and took the girls to the popular park. Not a soul was there on a beautiful Friday night. So we sat and played alone. And I pathetically wanted to cry.

Why is it so hard? Why did that mom not text? Did I creep her out with my note? Probably. But the thing is, if she had left a similar note for me I would have been so excited! It probably would become that silly "how did you guys become friends" story.

I have thought about if the internet has made this mom friend thing easier or harder. And I have settled on harder. It is torturous!  I will find someone's blog and think, omg they are just like me! And I bet our kids would play so great! And she lives in....Arizona. So I know she is out there (so many "shes") but I cannot ever really know her. If it is not that situation, it is that the cool mom already has a bff or maybe 5 and they all live near each other and their kids play and they vent about potty training and teething but also about being a woman, constant blog posts about their various adventures.

I feel like if I had to make a mom dating website profile it would say:

Younger mom of two girls seeks friend who has a great sense of humor, fun kids, adventurous spirit and a serious silly side.

Is that so hard to find? In the same town I live in? I really, really hope not.  I will keep looking.


  1. Oh, I'm sorry. I would've done the same thing and then reacted the same! What a bummer. :( I've been kind of feeling the same way since moving back down to Olympia a couple months ago. I wish I could have a local BFF.

  2. I don't understand why she wouldn't text or call either...I don't think it's you though - maybe she has commitment issues?! Personally, I think you are hilarious and would make a wonderful friend. :)

  3. Are there any mom groups around you?? That's how I've met all of my mommy friends. My friends from before the Delia days aren't married or aren't into having kids quite yet, so it's been so nice. I just looked on =)

  4. I'm sorry, how disappointing! It IS tough to make REAL friends! I haven't ever moved far and I still don't have any super close mama friends. I totally wish I did!

  5. Thanks guys! All four of you are ones I wished lived here in my town. No doubt we would have some really fun times. Nice to know I am not alone in these feelings.

  6. HER LOSS.
    If I lived in the same town as you, you'd wish you'd never met me. I'd be at your doorstep like an insane person every morning - we've discussed. i hate hate hate that we are so close but still far. It enrages me, actually. But it could be worse, so we'll just keep on truckin. I love you!

  7. Yeah well Mandy you have pretty much ruined me because I don't think there is anyone else who is more like me and easier to hang out with than you. So thanks. :) But yes, if we did live in the same town, we might as well just live in the same house to make it easier and hope that Harper and Elle DO get married one day and we can all still live in the same house raising their babies. Perfect.

  8. I totally know how you feel. There was a local mom that I was really excited to be hanging out with and we were getting our kids together a few times a month and suddenly, she dropped off the face of the earth - I bumped into her at daycare and she was all "Oh, hi, I've uh, been meaning to call you. I gotta go! Call you some time!" and I have nooooooooooo clue what I did wrong. And she was my only mommy friend, so it's double ugh.

  9. You did nothing wrong, I am sure. That is probably a weirdness with her! Maybe she is going though something personal, but it still hurts- I know. ;(

  10. Oh my gosh, do I feel ya. Except I am so terrible and awkward when I meet someone, I'd never get to the point where someone would want to get together with me again, lol. Let's just say I am not good with strangers & small talk. I suppose you can just continue to look at it like dating tho- keep at it and eventually you'll find the one, right? ; )

  11. Hiya :-) I too know what it's like to want a friend.With my older two it seemed easier to make friends,it just kinda happened but with my youngest it's been different.Hes 8 now and although people are friendly I wouldn't say I had a 'close' mummy friend until just recently.When he went to juniors I got friendly with one of the mums and it was like we were peas in a pod!We spent most times laughing till our tummies hurt and we have become firm friends.I guess friends appear when fate brings us together.I truly hope you find your special friend soon :-) xx

  12. I keep thinking about you and this post. I've been reading your blog bc my sister told me how amazing your photos are and how beautiful your babies are. I have always struggled making friends because I too had a boyfriend through highschool and never really developed any close female friends then lived with a different boyfriend through most of my college and then met my husband. I now am home all day with two babies and wishing for fun friends to meet and play with. I've tried several music/dance/gym classes with my kids and it seems like whenever I find someone I can see being a friend I'll invite them out or try to set something up and it always falls through. Why is it so hard to make friends when we are home all day and lonely to get out and socialize? I have never felt like I needed a fun friend more in my life than now. This is a bit rambley and I'm sorry but I mostly wanted to say I've been thinking of you and this a lot and I know how you are feeling.

  13. i was once invited to a b-day party. lots of moms & dads & children in attendance.
    i thought it went swell & looked forward to future invites.


    nada. but i do see pictures of all of them yucking it up on FB. so. awkward.

    sorry :/

  14. I haven't commented on your blog in a long time, and I'm not sure if you'd remember me from the bump. But, you write so well and your wee ones are beautiful! I truly enjoy your blog!

    I just wanted you to know that I could have written this myself! I am always searching for the "one". I don't need a click of hens to follow. I just need someone to have coffee/wine with and discuss little ones and laugh. I have two girls as well, 2.5 and 3 months and it really is tough. Just like you, all of my true friends are far away. I'm somewhat shy with strangers, but I would have at least texted you back! Maybe she was just super shy and felt silly about calling you. Who knows? But, it is her loss!

    I wish I lived close to you, but I don't think we could be much further apart, I'm in Florida!


  15. This is Fiona- won't let me log in.

    Well! Clearly this is a common issue, which sucks because there are so many us nice ladies out there.

    Meghan: See I think I overwhelm people because I am too friendly. lol
    Jess: I am so happy you found someone, that is excellent!
    Kate: You are so sweet! I am happy you are follower :)
    t.bird: See, this proves the world is crazy because you seem so fun. I would pretend to have a birthday just to invite and your kids to it. Two Brynns!!
    Peppermint: Yes, I do remember you! I hope we find our "ones" soon :) If I am ever in FL, I will email you :)

    Thanks for the comments/support internet buddie <3