The Perfect Song

I remember songs. If I hear it once, I will always remember it. This is especially true of movie songs, whether they be scores or ballads. Your dad is the same way with faces. He remembers every face. He thinks that his skill is much more helpful than mine.

But here is the deal.

You are asleep in your bassinet and I am curled on the couch having just heard snippets of a familiar song on a commercial. The movie was Vanilla Sky- one I love. The song, called Elevator Beat, plays throughout the movie but it is especially poignant at the end. The main character has nothing left, no love, no friends, no family. He leaps into the abyss to start a new life, as a new man.

I am listening to it now, the rising and falling of the piano notes in sync with your whispering breaths. This song reminded me of that ending scene and brought salty, warm tears down my cheeks for happiness that I could die tomorrow and have lived the fullest life having held you in my arms.

My life is priceless. I am so lucky. I have you. You are my child.

There is no wealth, no other treasure that would ever make me want to leap away from this life. Having smelled your sweet, fluffy post bath hair. Kissed your full cheeks. Made you smile. Watch you track my voice from across the room. Ride around in the crook of my arm. Rise and fall on my chest during one of your many cat naps. I want for nothing.

So I say, my musical memory is pretty useful tonight. Goodnight little.

Hey there baby coo

You started cooing this week. I tell you all kinds of stories when you are awake. We talk about mountains and the sea and puppies and snow. You listen to me and coo back at me. This makes me the happiest mama on the planet because I know we are communicating even though we are speaking different languages (well you are making yours up as you go, cheater.)

You felt California sand between your toes last week. That is not true. The last thing I would have wanted to do is try to clean sand out of your toes in the rental car. But you did have your lunch with the sweet ocean air blowing through your fluffy hair. You will not remember but you seemed content there. It was like a giant sleep sheep (the sleep sheep you sleep with makes waves sounds). I think you learned to coo in California. Maybe you will be drawn to the ocean when you are older like I always was. I promise we will take you there all the time so you really can feel sand between your toes, but not until you can clean it out yourself :)