Obsessed with your cuteness...

I sometimes wonder if I am more obsessed with you than other moms are with their own kids. I am just so crazy over you. Here you are in your grandpa sweater.

{Elle Style: Pants: consignment, Shirt: Old Navy Sweater: Gap kids}




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Pigtails.

No further text needed...

swoon.

Becoming mama.

When I was pregnant with you, I never really felt like a mom. I feel like a carrier of this impending baby, who would cry and need me but it was all very abstract. When you were born, my heart swelled with a totally different kind of love. Not like the way I love your dad or your grandparents. This love was fierce and new, the definition of devotion.

As that first day slid into evening, the nurse told me you needed to warm up. So she undressed you and placed you on my bare chest, so my warmth could seep into you. And never have I felt more content , as though all my life I was meant to one day carry the weight of you. And since that day, I have. The weight of worry. The weight of protecting you. The weight of loving you. But it does not bring me down, instead, the weight of you lifts me up. It makes me a better woman. A better wife. It has made me a mama and being your mama has been the greatest honor of my life.

{Elle style. Sweater: consignment ($3!), Jeans: consignment ($2.50!), shoes: old navy (gift)}

Friends

Friends will be a huge part of life. Being a girl, friends will be your biggest confidants and also one of your biggest sources of pain, jealous and heartache as you gain and lose them over the years. You have a few little friends now, but you mostly seem curious that they are as tall as you and confused by their loud noises.

The first friend I ever had in my life is still my friend today. She lives across the state but I still see her at least once a year. She is pregnant and due three days after me, with her first baby. A little girl. Perhaps we will count her on you and your sister’s friends list. You will make strong friendships in school and I hope you do a better job than I did of holding on to those friends. I let mine go. I met your dad when I was 16 and he filled the boyfriend and the best friend void. We were two peas in a pod and I put all other friendships on the back burner and most faded away.

After getting married and moving to a new town, I convinced myself I would find new friends. But I found it very hard to find anyone with anything in common with me or your dad. I remember one girl I met the dog park who seemed JUST like me and I was thisclose to giving her my phone number but was too scared of coming off like a creepy stalker. When I had you, I thought for sure other mothers would just coming running up to me at parks and playgrounds offering their friendships. Did not happen.

You were almost a year old before I found my first good mommy friend. And oddly enough, I met her online. Then over the last few months, more and more friends have been found online. Many through this blog. Some through online mommy meetup groups. Some of them I see weekly, others more sporadically. But today because I am a nerd, I made a little list of my new friends. And there were 6 of them! 6 friends I could call for a shoulder to lean on, a laugh, a cup of coffee or a parenting question. And although you fill my heart to the very brim, these friends have a place there too. A place that has been a lonely little box for a long time.

I wish the same for you, a heart full of love from friends, family and boys too (don’t tell your dad). As your mama, I will be there to help you see which friends are toxic (yes, there are those ones) and the gems that you will want to hold on to for life. They will hopefully be the ones who know you the best, make you laugh so hard you cry, know your hurts and your faults and help shape you into the woman you will one day become.

So here is a toast to my 6 new friends. Thanks for hanging out with this weirdo and her little lady (pictured below, looking quite friendly indeed).