Needing me

You have always been a pretty independent baby. Even when you were small, you would rather snuggle on your boppy pillow than on my chest. Those times you would snuggle up on me though, pure joy.

For the past few months, you have been really independent. Wanting to try new things and always on the go. I was working full time and so we only saw each other for a few hours a day. I ached for you all day. I would call home and hear you saying "am!" (your name for me) in the background and it was like tiny spikes in my heart.

So your dad and I had a long talk and I started part-time at work. I work 6-10am Monday-Friday and feel like I have the perfect balance. You have become a lot more attached to me since this change. It feels so good to be needed by you. You reach for me, follow me all around the house and snuggle into my shoulder. I am so happy that I listened to my instincts. We both needed more of each other.

Tonight, you had a bit of trouble falling asleep. I found you standing at the side of your crib, crying into the dark. I kissed you on your soft hair and laid you back down. You grabbed my finger and popped your thumb into your mouth. I could barley see you, but your little eyes were beginning to droop. You would fall asleep and then wake up, your tiny hand searching for my finger. As soon as you found it, you drifted off again. When you were finally asleep, I stayed to watch you. It felt like the best kept secret. Listening to your peaceful breaths in the dark, knowing that all you needed tonight was your Am.



PS for readers: I found a good writing song. It is called And Then You by Greg Laswell. If anyone is looking for good inspiration.



Photo entered into the Paper Mama Challenge: