To the City!

We had a fun Halloween in the City. I will post the Halloween photos tomorrow.

You and your Grandmom:


Swinging with Dad:


At the toy store:

A fun day.

Beautiful.

You are so beautiful. Sometimes it just takes my breath away. How did I get so lucky?



Ok so I showed this photo to your dad and he said, "she looks like a chubby boy." Hmmm....

22.

22. That is the number of days a month that you, me and your dad hang out pretty much all day. As I wrote to you before, I started a part time work schedule. I work from 6-10am Monday through Friday. I get up early everyday (the downside) and you and your dad hangout until I get home about about 10:15am. I love this because both your dad & I feel really fulfilled. He loves his morning with you, but when I get home, he is free to go the gym, work in the yard or we all just snuggle around in the living room playing on the floor. SInce I started this schedule, neither of us has felt burned out at all. When your dad's days to work come around (he works 48 hours with 96 hours off), I am ready for him to leave! I love him of course, but by then I am ready for some space. He gets time with the guys at work and I get mommy and me time with you. By the time your dad comes home is really missing you and cannot wait for some daddy and baby time.

I feel so lucky that this is our life. However, we have worked really hard to make things this way. When your dad was working as a resident firefighter making $500 month and I was scraping by starting out my own career, we would sometimes think it would be better if he just got a 9-5. But I remember him saying (even as a 19 year old) that he did not want his babies in daycare all day and he wanted to spend as much time with them as possible. We have been planning for this life for nearly 10 years. When we were 16 and 17, we were already planning. I know we are unique and most families do not get to spend so much time together but I hope you remember that your life is the sum total of your choices. I will work hard to help you make smart ones from the start.

Here you are with your papa. Who is absolutely crazy about you, by the way.

Two from tonight

Grey sky makes for beautiful eyes.

Needing me

You have always been a pretty independent baby. Even when you were small, you would rather snuggle on your boppy pillow than on my chest. Those times you would snuggle up on me though, pure joy.

For the past few months, you have been really independent. Wanting to try new things and always on the go. I was working full time and so we only saw each other for a few hours a day. I ached for you all day. I would call home and hear you saying "am!" (your name for me) in the background and it was like tiny spikes in my heart.

So your dad and I had a long talk and I started part-time at work. I work 6-10am Monday-Friday and feel like I have the perfect balance. You have become a lot more attached to me since this change. It feels so good to be needed by you. You reach for me, follow me all around the house and snuggle into my shoulder. I am so happy that I listened to my instincts. We both needed more of each other.

Tonight, you had a bit of trouble falling asleep. I found you standing at the side of your crib, crying into the dark. I kissed you on your soft hair and laid you back down. You grabbed my finger and popped your thumb into your mouth. I could barley see you, but your little eyes were beginning to droop. You would fall asleep and then wake up, your tiny hand searching for my finger. As soon as you found it, you drifted off again. When you were finally asleep, I stayed to watch you. It felt like the best kept secret. Listening to your peaceful breaths in the dark, knowing that all you needed tonight was your Am.



PS for readers: I found a good writing song. It is called And Then You by Greg Laswell. If anyone is looking for good inspiration.



Photo entered into the Paper Mama Challenge:

Weekend