Motherhood is hard (kinda of)

A first time mom really never knows what to expect. When you were born, it was hard to have a little person who was totally dependent on me. I was careful not to read too many books and I mostly followed my instincts and your cues. Somethings did not work out. Like breastfeeding. I tried for 6 weeks. You were eating about every 45 minutes and I was not producing enough milk. I tried everything from teas, pills, 17 bowls of oatmeal a day and 47 gallons of water. Nothing worked. At your 6 week appointment, you had lost weight. I cried right there in the office, feeling like such a failure. For the next month I pumped and supplemented with formula and everyone was happy. I was pumping every two hours and getting maybe two ounces for the whole day. So I stopped that as well and you continued to thrive, so we were good. That has been our biggest issue.

I did not get any baby blues. You did not get colic. Everything else (despite those couple of days at 5 1/2 months were you had to learn how to sleep in your crib and you cried a lot) has been easy. I love being with you. Maybe it is because I have a short commute and good work schedule, arriving home at 2:45pm so I have lots of time with you, but I am not with you full time so I do not tire of you. Or because your dad is really helpful. Or because we are doing well financially. Or I am just really low key. I am not sure, but sometimes I feel like this whole motherhood thing should be harder, but it is not. It is, well, lovely really. (I am sure the baby gods will now turn you into a really difficult child for writing that.)

Of course our lives are different and in some ways harder. But the rest of it, all the good stuff, just completely overshadows the tough stuff. I read a lot of other blogs and I think maybe I am the weird one. Maybe I am too puppies and rainbows and look at my pretty baby. But that is just how it is for us. (I mean you are one hell of a pretty baby).

So on to more important matters. Your dad let me sleep in today and when I woke up we had a little photo session but the light was weird (I use natural light) because it was sort of cloudy so I had to keep adjusting my settings. You were really sick of me by the end of it. You did something slightly mean.

You flipped me off.

So I hope our journey stays as easy as has been. I just love being your mama. But please, stopping flipping me the bird. It makes me feel a little sad inside. I love you pretty bear.